My daughter F is home sick from school for the third day in a row today. My boy S had to head off to school by himself again much to his chagrin. I was busy gathering homework from teachers for F while S was having himself a meltdown in the hallway because he couldn't get his lunch kit out of his backpack. "Don't do this today, please," I told him as I helped him get his stuff organized while his teacher encouraged him from the classroom door. "He was looking forward to his sister walking him to class," I explained as I ushered S inside. I explained that F was still sick and sitting in the car waiting for me and my husband is in Australia right now and not able to help out with the kids being sick and and...
I couldn't believe my own ears. Where did this dependent woman come from? What happened to the country mama/farmer/able-to-hold-down-the-fort-for-35-days-while-her-husband-is-in-China woman that I know and love? Good grief!
This move overseas has certainly been an adjustment in so many ways. Up until January, my husband always worked away and I stayed at home with the kids. He was usually gone for a month at a time but in the past had been gone for two months or more. We made it work. I became very independent; raising the kids, renovating houses, being a landlord and running a hobby farm. Fast forward to now and I have a husband who is generally home every night, we have a driver who takes us everywhere and if there's a problem my hubby is a short 20 minute bike ride away and can come home. Its weird. Its overwhelming some days. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with depending on other people but I haven't been that person for so long that it feels foreign and makes me feel a bit like a wimp.
People are always asking me if I have an Ayi which is Chinese for Aunt but is used as a term for housekeeper/nanny. They want to know why I don't have one and if I'm going to get one. "I didn't have a housekeeper back home so why would I have one here?" I explain. "But it's so much more work here to keep up a household," I've been told. Really? Well even if I can afford an Ayi I'm not getting one. Believe me, I hate cleaning as much as the next person but I'm just not giving up that one last bit of me. And even if I don't clean the bathrooms for a week so what?
Yesterday I went and spent a small fortune on a vacuum cleaner. I vacuumed the entire apartment and man did it feel good! So what if I spent the equivalent of two months salary for a full time Ayi on a dust sucker, at least I have kept a wee bit of my independence!
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